Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 13:25:48 +1000
To: Robert Marks
Subject: In memory of Hazel
For Bob, Joshua and Zoë - from the heart
I cried
When I heard that Hazel had died
A sort of inadequacy
That made me sad
And angry that she should go
When I liked her so much
And there was nothing I could do
To help and keep her
for me, friends - and - her family
- the children
Bob wrote, to remember
to note
those special things
that made Hazel who she was
so the years would not
fade - dim to a tugging memory
who she was
Hard, I thought
as images flashed
Her large hands
Soft
With long fingers
Dexterous and controlled
Wrinkles around her eyes
and the wide smile over
- were they slightly stained teeth?
She smiled a lot and always made me
feel - special
She had a knack
of making everything I did
sound important and
somehow incredible
as if there was no way she would be able
to achieve that thing
Of course she could
She was clever
and talented
She had only to speak a few words
and you knew that
She had an empathetic intelligence
One that sought to understand your meaning
I’d see her now and then
over the years
Not as often as I would have liked
We didn’t live close by
And life got in the way
We walked
in the Royal National Park.
once
She’d just turned forty
year of age
With that large smile of hers
she noted
I’m in crisis - middle age
and what to show
She said it so it made us all laugh
but I knew that she meant it
I talked to her
about that bushwalk
years later
She didn’t remember
"Oh - yes. I’d forgotten."
It had been a superb day.
The sun shone warm and she
and Bob
kept up a banter
witty
They did that
Bounced ideas of each other
each one sillier and cleverer than the next
"I used to be normal once," she remarked
"Until I met him."
I laughed, I remember.
It was her type of humour - the type that makes you
giggle
as the remarks are remembered many
many years
after the event is forgotten
Then a few months later
Bob said
"Hazel is pregnant."
Oh!
So this was what she decided
to overcome her crisis
I thought
Joshua came
motherhood
Then a second, Zoë
I hardly saw her
A few visits, mostly with others there
not enough time to talk
really
Once we made an effort
Away for a weekend together
Our property
Riverun.
Four children and four adults.
It was hectic
Hazel
and Bob
feeding the children
coaxing food into unwilling mouths
tumbling in chuckling, squealing, giggling, laughing rumbles
on the lounge
persuading legs on unwilling walks
admiring waterfalls
and putting four children (our two and their two) into a tiny bath
One girl and three boys.
Beautiful children
Hazel
and Bob
have beautiful children
Once the family came
to Bundeena
Just for the day
Our housewarming
My friends,
those who had not met her before
warmed to her
Of the hundred people present
they remembered this tall
thin woman
with her wispy, greying, straight hair
and the high-toned voice
She and my sister wanted to help
You know,
in the kitchen
I remember how they laughed
like two young girls
making shows of covering up mistakes
puzzling with ill-disguised amusement
over the microwave display
which
somehow
they’d caused to blink
ERROR ERROR
We visited the family
in their Blue Mountains
retreat
Admired the home
its cosiness
I admired her with the children
hers and ours
She treated them as adults
- friends
She made pancakes in the morning
from a Margaret Fulton cookbook
"I don’t worry too much about the lumps"
I seem to remember her saying
The pancakes were great
She had none, only a cup of coffee?...tea?
We talked of a bushwalk
one day
to the blue-gum forest nearby
It never happened
A beach holiday
She thought it’d be nice
When we went away
We offered her the house
and she came
A couple of weeks
I think it was
The children found friends
I think she did too
She complained in a note
she left behind
I think I have caffeine poisoning
Endless cups of tea with endless visitors
People have been wonderful to us
But we wanted to be nice to Hazel
We’re sorry she’s gone.
God speed Hazel
Good luck Bob
Good luck Joshua
Good luck Zoë
Your loss is great.
So is ours -
Miriam
16/9/98
